Sunday, December 30, 2012

[ urghhh, balik melaka ]

i know i will be hardly updating my blog after this since our hostel didn't have any wireless so I think I would to appreciate this 2012 by writing an entry about it before it ends by tomorrow. yeah, sadly I have to celebrate new year on the road, riding transnational and heading to Malacca. I have to endure another 12 hours long journey and I hope I will arrive safe and sound to the destination. I shall welcome 2013 with some excitements, and I eagerly waiting for 2013. I missed my friends and cannot wait to meet them in 'chubby and plum'  state but half of reluctantly going back to malacca. I know i'm going to miss my parents, my cat, my bed, my goose and everything. 

Please, I try not to be in homesick condition as I already used to study far away from home. I just don't know but this time, I can't hold my tears this time and the worst, I already feel miserable when I know i have to pack my things and clothes into my luggage. I have been crying since 10pm and I cannot feel any excitement at all to go back to the college. I just don't know why. 

i have to pack everything, i have to do my laundry, half way done and i have to do some chores, doing some cleaning all over my house so that I can leave this house in neat and tidy condition. I just want it to be something that my mom will proud of and she will definitely gonna miss me. When I am in this state, I mean miserable and grumpy I just don't know why. tak kan nak homesick macam form one dulu kot sebab kena masuk asrama ( ok, aku homesick almost a year, naik form 2 baru ok . kalau tak everyday crying and calling my parents. huk huk)

ok, check my ticket and syida's ticket as well, hurm 8pm leaving from parkson bus station. I am very sure I am going to hold my tears in front of my parents. I have to as my parents hardly see me crying. sejak aku form 2 aku dah tak menangis in front my parents. Hardly. I want them to know that I am strong enough to go back to Malacca, but only HE knows that I was totally in such a miserable state right now and tomorrow night. I pray for some strength. 

let year 2013 will be a good and exciting year for me. i don't want it to start with this negative emotions. hopefully positives will be inserted into me the moment I reach into my college. I really hope that my youngest brother will take a good care of my parents. I believe everything happens for a reason, maybe reasons. 

I hope when I reach IPG, my friends and seniors will be there to support me whenever I feel hopeless and lost and drifting away from my focus and goals achieving.

Ya Allah, so much tears tonight. I have been crying for no reason. What happened to me? 

wawa duk ajak aku shout new year atas bangunan ipg, nak shout macam mana bila aku dah sedih-sedih macam ni.Dulu kemain excited nak balik maktab, nak jadikan year 2013 a better year for me. please please. WHY? ok, cukup untuk setakat ni. JOM kemas bilik, cuci bilik mandi aku pastu kemas dapur, ruang tamu, and bilik my brothers. maybe dengan cara itu aku boleh tenangkan diri aku. 

oh tears, please stop. 

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