Thursday, March 28, 2013


it is so irony when you teach a daughter to dream, to be independent, to be brave in making her own decision and to be responsible on her own life, yet finally you banish her dreams and passion and you kill her soul slowly? 

it is so irony when you teach your daughter not to use any 'cabel' or any influence just to get the dream came true, yet you are the one who use your influence just to get what you wanted for the daughter? *please this time don't use your influence to get me posted to Kelantan, I will die instantly. 

it is irony when your love and your 'don't' almost all the time kills your daughter slowly, taking away her laughter and smiles yet you think her silent as a nod and yes to all your orders? too much love and too much restrictions can actually kill a person. 

it is irony when you proudly tell the world your daughter is going to be a teacher, you managed to didik your children according to your way successfully, yet you didn't know what is actually going on in their life? Too irony when you can see the surface not the deep one. Do you think your daughter is happy when you shut her dream to enter a prestigious university after her all hard efforts? 

it is irony when you teach them to be real independent until they grow up to be such an ignorant person and ego? Then you put the blame completely on them? They grew up on their own remember? Sending them all to boarding schools, you think they didn't need you anymore to cry and to tell everything to you like a friend? 

it is irony when actually one of your daughter is actually drifting away, giving up in her life, not going where to go except to surrender with the flow instead being a fighter for her own fate, and you just seem to see her doing fine with her silence and fake smile? 

it is irony when your children actually have to rely on the outsiders instead of own flesh and blood just to tell everything that really suck them? When they need others opinion and choose others to tell about their problem? We are bounded by the blood ties right, but why did we act as strangers? Coz we pretend to be ok when we reach home. We did fine, yes we did. We give you good grades , always. 

it is irony when you thought you knew them very well, seeing them growing up but actually you missed a lot of things about them? 

too much irony. The daughter have been living in a life imperfection in perfection. Everything seems to be fine and glory, but the actual truth is, the imperfections lies behind the fake perfection. 

but the worst irony is when the daughter have to live her life, believing in nobody, there is nobody to trust and to tell everything when nobody seems to understand though she has been surrounded by circles of friends. She has to pretend her life to be fine, normal and perfect until she has to wear mask, putting the fake smiles and laughters but inside her, she is broken. There is no one to lift her up unless she help herself, but she refuses as half of her has gone, not be able to help herself and sick of the sympathy and useless advices she chooses to pretend to live a perfectly normal life. 

it is irony when a happy go lucky person is dying her soul, her passions, with her shattered dreams but yet she refuses to let the whole world see the broken inside her, then when she just pretend to be her, when actually apart of her has gone..

I am not blaming, I am just sick to hold everything inside. This is what will happen everything she returned home. The same issue being brought up, making her sick, growing the seed of hatred and she just wish to scream to stop all these madness but she couldn't due to respect and love. 

others will put the blame on her , judging her to be very ungrateful and 'derhaka' maybe, but she really wish those damn badmouthing people will be in her shoes to feel what is like to be like her,, pretending almost all the time, sick of studying things that she hates, but have to keep the good grades when she has the obligation to fulfil as a daughter and when she has no other choice? 

it is not that she didn't try to open her heart to be redha, but how can you be redha when the same issue has been brought up and when her opinions have been shut away telling that 'no, you are wrong' ...

I am not blaming, I am rebelling but I didn't really show because of respect and love, so still judge me as ungrateful? too much love that can kill, I know every damn thing why she did that, for my own good. That is why she said, it is irony, too much irony. 

one confession, I am living with depression but I refuse to take the pills when I am too strong to surrender to the pills. 

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