Thursday, February 6, 2014

I am preparing myself.

bila tengok kisah hidup orang lain, bila baca berita kat media aku jadik takut sendiri. I wonder what kind of wife that I will be, what kind of daughter I will be to my parents, what type of mother I will be to my children and what type of teacher I will be to my students?

semuanya menakutkan aku.Cabaran tu terlalu besar, terlalu berat. No matter what it is, I will face them all. I will make it and Insyaallah I will survive in those challenges. Semoga aku mampu memberi kebaikan, that's all I need which is HIS blessing.

I am preparing myself to a devoted wife to my husband so I think being a teacher is the best thing ever happen in my life. Tuhan tahu diri aku lebih dari diri aku sendiri. As much as I wanted to spend my quality time with my family and educate my children on my own, thus being a teacher is the best option that I made in my life. Though I didn't have that heart and passion of being a teacher, I am trying my best to work it out. I will be a faithful and loyal wife so I will never easily give my love to any man who is trying to win over my heart. My love is too expensive, though I am not pretty like other girl (nearly ugly I must say) but I can promise that my love for you is too expensive. I am preparing myself with those important knowledge, so for this time moment, let us preparing ourselves towards that marriage. We enjoy our life and when HE permits us to meet, semoga pertemuan kita dalam redha NYA and we work on our marriage.

I am preparing myself to be an obedient daughter as much as I am trying to listen to their stories and help my parents as much as I can. I will have nothing to regret as I did everything to make them happy including to let go my ambition and passion just to be a teacher for them. Please, let me take care both of you when I graduate and have my own career. I will take care of you. Hopefully, aku diberi peluang untuk menjaga mereka seperti mana mereka jaga aku masa kecik kecik dulu. Please be proud of me.

I am preparing myself to be a commited teacher. Sekalipun aku tak berapa nak suka jadik cikgu, tapi satu janji aku pada diri aku, aku akan ajar budak budak kat sekolah tu elok elok. Aku akan jadik cikgu yang tegas (standard la english teacher). Aku tak nak rosakkan masa depan mereka, "there is no bad students, only bad teachers" . Agree much with this statement. Kadang-kadang cikgu lah yang bunuh masa depan budak budak. Aku pernah dengar cikgu cakap 'dia tu tak pandai, memang tak boleh buat ape dah" mohon lempang cikgu macam ni. So, I will try my best untuk jadik cikgu yang baik dengan harapan, cikgu lain akan ajar anak-anak aku dengan baik.

I am preparing myself to be a wonderful mother. I wanted to be a teacher, and friend and a mom to my future children. I am ready for home education so I am preparing myself with those knowledge. I am preparing myself so that I can teach my children how to recite quran on my own, and to speak english and malay fluently at home with them and will add up mandarin and arabic in future once they grow up. So, I am preparing myself too for this future. Jangan harapkan cikgu or ustazah kat sekolah, it will never be enough. I really hope that their dad will be someone who will concern about religion and education as he will prepare them towards that religion and education.

above all, starting from now I am preparing myself to be a good muslimah. tak banyak aku mampu ubah buat masa sekarang, cuma sedikit sedikit. Kadang kadang aku gagal jugak, tapi doanya semoga aku istiqamah.

why you plan your future? 'those who fail to plan, plan to fail'
why you plan your future? because you know why are you in this dunya, why you need to work and not to concern about your salary, why you need to get married and having zuriat and what is your function in this world : as a caliph (khalifah) . When you put HIM above all, then you will know why you need to plan your future.

But, remember, men propose HE dispose. May HE ease my way and your way too. ;)

aku takut, macam mana nak didik anak aku nanti,jadik anak yang baik ke macam mana nanti,  macam mana nak didik anak murid nanti, jadik manusia tak mereka,, macam mana nak uruskan rumahtangga? these are my obligations that I need to fulfill but honestly I am not ready. ILMU masih cetek.masih di paras 20%.

semua orang punya impian dan perancangan masing masing kan. I wish all of you the best of luck and wish me luck too.

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