Sunday, June 8, 2014

tiada rasa

If you come to me trying to love me, I advice you to stop.
I don't have heart to love anymore.
It already broken into pieces.

I shut off other men in my life.
friendzone..
aku tahu kejam buat orang macam tu, tapi biarlah. biarlah mereka cari yang jauh lebih baik dari aku.
I am no longer interested to love. I am more interested with my career and my future.
daripada aku pretending untuk sayang orang tapi hati tak pernah happy.
I don't want to hurt , the same way I've been hurt.


lagipun, I don't think I can love anyone else anymore.
the pain that kiroro left me is too painful.
someday, when I healed, I will love other man. I will open my heart. I know I will get someone better than that jerk.

loving you endlessly, leaving me with tears. I swear, if I can choose, I will never choose a man like you. sayangnya, my heart choose you. damn it right.

I'll just keep a few that I really regard as best boy friends. boleh bilang pakai jari. The rest are just acquaintances.

I just don't have heart anymore to love. It is gone,, broken into pieces. I just need time with the right person. It is the matter of time. A better person will come as long I also be a good person.

I can love kiroro unconditionally but you never give me chance to love, you never take this chance to get to know me better, you never open the door for me to enter your heart and love you.
Never mind. I wish you all the best in life.

trying to remain friendship with kiroro, I guess I failed. coz everytime I try to have conversations with him, it will end up with fight.I ended up with sakit hati. sometimes tears. I keep this anger towards him for all those painful memories,, so I let it out through the conversations. kerja asyik nak marah dia je. padahal this is not so me yang akan tetibe hangin tak masal. So I better stop.

dia pon cakap, jangan msg kalau nak angin camtu. so I deleted his number. Semoga aku tak perlu lepaskan amarah tu pada dia lagi. aku pulak yang sakit hati.

orang tua tua pesan, jangan sayang terlalu sangat, nanti jadik benci. begitulah sebaliknya. Yes true indeed.
once ago, I love him so much, now I hate him so much. kalau dulu aku excited nak jumpa dia, especially bila tahu dia intern kat Klang, tapi apa aku dapat last sekali?I made him card n hoping nak bukak puasa sama sama, even aku belajar buat cheese tart. tapi at the end? Aku sendiri yang sakit. Masa tu dia yang cakap, kita akan bahagia kalau aku lepaskan rasa itu. Ok, I understood. So, let me walk away from your life.
 so aku just harap we will never meet again in future. I will be praying for that.

I know it is wrong to hate, coz I hardly hate someone but I'll let this hatred grow stronger coz this is the only way I can live without him.

someone else will appreciate me. someone else will appreciate the cheese tart or cake or mee goreng that I will cook for him ;)

so for now, I close my heart. hati besi aloy adalah hasil yang aku belajar dari apa yang aku rasa. Pain. temporary happiness.

biarlah aku duk menggedik konon2 nak kawen dgn mat salleh lah, nak carik doktor lah bla bla bla when you know you just entertaining yourself. I need time to start over everything. To find the pieces of my heart so that I can love again....


jadi, impian nak pergi mabul or krabi tu boleh la buang dalam laut. you are a good liar, kiroro. you give hope, then you crash it. Thank you.

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