Monday, August 11, 2014

i'm sorry H.Y

sorry kalau terlalu kejam terhadap diri kau. Di kala kau perlukan seseorang, aku pergi camtu sahaja.
maaf kerana aku tidak mampu untuk hidup bila mana privasy aku tiada.
Maaf kerana aku tidak suka dikongkong, tak suka orang sentiasa watching over me, rasa macam pesalah yang bila-bila masa akan dihukum penjara. It is suffocating.

Maaf sebab aku tahu aku kejam. Mungkin juga keji. Tapi selagi aku di sisi, selagi itu kau tidak akan menjadi lelaki.
I want you to be a man, I want you to stand up strong and tall even when you are alone. No more childish act, I want you to have your own ego. Be a man, grow up. Sekalipun aku melangkah pergi dari hidup, umpama kekuatan kau hilang. Maaf aku mahu kau berubah demi DIA.

Seperti mana aku yang melangkah penuh dosa, penuh rapuh, penuh ranap tetapi aku belajar untuk bergantung kepada DIA. Everything happens for a reason. HE tests you, HE loves you. Jangan pernah berubah kerana manusia. Kerana itu, aku pergi. carilah kekuatan di kala kau tidak punyer siapa-siapa, tetapi DIA. DIA mendengar setiap rintihan kau.

Aku percaya pada ketentuan DIA. Aku percaya hati itu DIA yang pegang. Jadi aku percaya kalau sudah jodoh kita, someday we will meet again. Insyaallah. For the time being, departure is the best solution. I want you to crawl out from your misery. Forgive others, forgive yourself. Then you'll be happy.

Frankly speaking, I felt empty to but let's take this time to prepare ourself to be a human, achieve what we aim, what we dream, to be matured, most importantly to be a better MUSLIM. I may not pious, but I know being in this relationship will bring us to nowhere except lagha and we drift apart from HIM. Let's save our heart for the right one, and I pray for HIM to decide the best for us.

why this tears when I am writing this? because I started to love you already.. but sorry, I cannot forget. and because I want you to be a man. Perhaps someday, if HE permits, we shall meet again. Take care. no more being childish. I need a man, not a boy. Departure is the best for us.

I'm independent, but I am not always strong. I still need you, but I wanted to learn to rely upon HIM.
Be happy, happiness is a matter of choice.
Love your parents, try to bring back the old time with your family. HE will give you rewards with a beautiful marriage and happy family. Stop mourning and grieving, live your life. ;)

prayers, is what will connect us. As much as I pray to others, you will be remembered too in my prayers.

till then, good bye hafiz liana.

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