Sunday, November 30, 2014

what have I achieved so far?

so many wishlists yet so little are achievable.

1 December 2014. Hello December. 31 days to welcome 2015. Another age number will be added into my life.. Haih dah tua dah rupanya aku ni.


While listening to Manisnya Cinta by sixth sense (my favourite band dari zaman remaja until now)

Apa yang aku achieved so far? macam tak banyak, memang pun.
lemme list 'em one by one (apo lah teacher tulis short form camni kan, well too lazy too write actually still I want to write) ...

1. I wish to travel outside Malaysia. I made it to Singapore and Brunei. (Kena pergi lagi Brunei ni, hari tu tak dapat pergi kampung air sebab angin terlalu kuat sampai kau pun almost jatuh kena tiup angin,, nasib aku gemok , so stability tinggi la .. ) . Singapore kalau nak solo backpacking pun boleh, sebab selamat sangat rasa kat situ.

2.I wish to go to Sarawak, the only state that I haven't visit. I went to Miri. Ok, pasni kita pergi Kuching pulak. meow meow.

3.I wish to have out door activity . I made it by hiking to Gua Niah. 10 km babe, dari starting sampai hujung. Thank you kak Gee dengan kak Syida.. Wouldn't make it without both of you. Pastu naik flight malam tu sakit tak yah cakap,, even jejak tangga flight pun tak rasa pape.. Sebab aku jatuh jugak kat tracking way dia tu. very slippery and kayu dia bukan sebarang kayu, kayu berlian kot. seminggu aku lebam sebab jatuh tu.Al kisahnya aku duk bergurau time tu sekali licin.hurm,,pastu pergi kampung kt sarawak naik rumah panjang , part naik jambatan gantung nak pergi sekolah tu buat aku nangis gayat.. bawah tu sungai berbuaya kau tahu~ Kena kuatkan diri kalau kena posting kt sarawak nanti.. I didn't go for mount hiking this year but I went to Jementah again for camping dengan ibu ayah dan yang lain. serious best sebab betul2 nature. no electricity, kau hanya pakai generator minyak tanah tu je.. no internet, no much phone checking.. More to face-to-face interaction. haa gittew. Mandi air terjun dia bapak best. I love the sound of nature, bunyi monyet tu comel. monyet kot..

4. I wish to go to Penang. Sebab rasa macam dah lama tak jejak Penang lepas tinggalkan matrik kmpp. I have bittersweet memories here. Ni pun macam bachelor vacation untuk my best friend Ashratul yang akan berkahwin December ni. Tsk tsk, aku tak percaya dia dah nak kawen...

5. Improve on my pointer. Alhamdulillah, sem lepas pointer 3.78 cuma sedih sebab praktikum B. ok mohon nangis laju2.. Semester ni, praktikum macam ok, tapi exam dengan coursework semua ke laut cina selatan.. (pointer mungkin menjunam macam kapal terbang jatuh ) .. I'm scared. cuma harap lepas 3.5.. that's my aim. I aimed A for practicum this sem. Doakan la dapat.

6. Attending a few ilmiah courses. Managed to attend dua ceramah yang dibuat kat ipg aku untuk minggu Islamic Festival. One of them about baitul muslim dan juga pembinaan diri as ummah muslim. I gained a lot of input.

7. Horse riding. Dapat naik kuda masa pesta konvo UKM. weee super happy. Jadik lah. dah tercapai impian . gayat jugak la naik kuda tu. dalam hati aku risau dia mengamuk tetibe je..fuhhh..

8. Roller blade. Yeay, finally dapat main jugak roller blade. Jatuh berapa kali,, never mind. first trial kan ..

Wishlist yang tak dapat achieve :

1. tak dapat habiskan 10 buku pun untuk tahun ni. 2 je kot.. Haihhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. ini teruk
2. tak dapat habiskan Quran Kareem. I should be ashamed by now.
3. tak dapat buat / belajar pape kek or biskut or shushi..
4. tak dapat belajar menjahit. Daddy can I buy mini sewing machine?
5. weight lose. I still maintain 49kg. Ok ok ok. Ini teruk. paling rendah aku turun 47kg pastu naik balik.. sob sob
6. tak dapat pergi hiking.. hurmm tak dan kalau dah busy sangat dengan praktikum kat sekolah
7. tak dapat attend kursus kawen terpaksa tarik diri sebab dia ubah tarikh last minute.. Aku exam kot time tu.. wuuuuu....
8. tak dapat buat wall climbing and naik ferris wheel..
9. Gitar pun tak belajar habis lagi.. dapat main kejap je suruh kawan sebelah bilik ajarkan.. wuuuuu


on going wishlist  :
1. Arsenal jersey.. ada sapa2 pergi padang besar tak cuti ni? nak kirim
2. Running shoes. ( money lebih diperlukan untuk travelling. lol)
3. sony mp3.. since mp3 aku dah hilang..
4. naik chopper or helicopter kecik kt batu berendam
5. hiking gunung kinabalu, taman negara and bukit bendera
6. scuba diving and parasailing
7. paragliding
8. flight simulator.. weeeeee
9. A for my thesis.
10. A for my practicum
11. Buy cecelia ahern book.. beli buku yang aku belum ada lagi.. *berangan nak dapat buku cecelia ahern as birthday gift lagi* I got 2 cecelia ahern books from hafiz. Thank you hafiz..
12. On going wishlist yang tak dapat achieve in 2014.
13. nak try hotel2/ penginapan yg unik mcm bustel, red indian hotel, serendah sekeping , ...
14. improve on my rusty english. Malu rasanya bila namanya ambik kos tesl tapi english berterabur lagi.. Should I have a mat Salleh penpal ? keh3
15. Becoming an activist, at least joining voluntary work especially in helping the poor, and the orphanage. it has been my passion tp tu la, hidup aku tak boleh bebas sangat nak pergi sana sini. Sabar lah untuk Sekejap je lagi.. ngeeee
16. I wanted to learn piano. Bisa enggak?

never put limit or deadline to your wishlists. ada boleh dapat ada boleh dapat lain tahun.. Insyaallah. slowly kita improve diri kita..

travelling passion :
1. awak jom pergi krabi?
2. Kashmir with Ilia, zureen and schoolmate.
3. Indon with Shima
4. New Zealand naik caravan with kak maria?
5. Solo travelling to vietnam, and turkey..

la vie est belle..........







Manisnya Cinta Di Cappadocia

filem arahan Bernard Chauly,, selain daripada filem2 beliau Gol & Gincu, Pisau Cukur dan Istanbul Aku Datang.... I can't wait to watch this movie.. WHYYYY?


sebab ni lah cerita adaptasi novel manisnya cinta. My first novel yang aku baca zaman sekolah menengah dulu and I must say sebab novel ni la aku jadik addict baca novel sampai sekarang (walaupun aku ni cerewet bab2 pemilihan novel untuk dibaca) and sebab novel ni la aku berangan nak kawen dengan pilot.. funny, how I was so immature back then, well normal la tu zaman remaja orang kata. 

boleh jugak aku katakan, novel ni bagus sebab dia memperlihatkan cinta dalam segenap dimensi. not only love between couple, but love among family members and spouses. 

itu dulu dulu, sekarang ni dah matang, dah boleh nilai.. sometimes hanya orang tertentu je boleh dapat cinta macam dalam novel ni. certain je boleh dapat kawen dengan putera raja, dengan pilot, dengan ceo bla bla bla.. sebab semua tu bukan jaminan dan bukan di tangan kita untuk kita pilih macam mana ceritera cinta kita. Yeah, in novel boleh la berangan sampai boleh tertidur baca novel tu pun senyum kemain lagi dalam tidur tu.. In real life,, rasa logik ke terlanggar pilot ke ceo ke pastu jatuh cinta? there is, HIS plan can make everything possible, tapi berpijak pada bumi yang nyata.. Everything demands beauty. 

Whatever, stop rambling nonsense opinion,, I can't wait to watch this movie. Moga berkesempatan tengok dan ni jugak first filem melayu yang aku nak tengok kt cinema.. Bila bercakap pasal cerita ni, aku teringat arwah. Ni novel yang aku pinjam dari dia kalau tak silap.Bila tengok the making filem ni, teringat arwah. rupanya lama sudah arwah pergi tinggalkan kami semua. almost 7 years.. She loves reading novels too, sama la kami semua zaman sekolah dulu dulu..

Atin, it has been a while you left us yet your laughter vividly lingers in my mind. Kalau atin masih ada di dunia ni sekarang, mungkin saya akan ajak awak pergi tengok wayang ni dengan schoolmate kita yang lain. let's reminisce the moments where we were all young, naive and innocent.....

Al fatihah, may you and your family bestowed among the chosen one. I miss you. 

p/s : cappadoccia,, a beautiful heritage place in Turkey. someday. I'm going there someday. haisyh ini buat aku makin tak sabar untuk habis belajar, kerja earn money, simpan duit untuk ke Turkey dan Istanbul.. solo travelling because I'm finding myself in a foreign country. I hope to find again, the long lost soul ,, the long lost love. I'm telling myself, sabar. 

jom tengok movie ni jom, kita kembali ke zaman remaja yang cukup naive tu,, : trailer 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_33W3mToro

Saturday, November 29, 2014

balik pulau

non-penangrian : Esok kita nak pergi mana?

me who acah-acah so expert tahu about penang : balik pulau

non-penangrian : bukan kita dah kat pulau ke? nape nak balik lagi? kita kan dah kat pulau nak jalan2 ni haa, bukan kat seberang jambatan tu.. *bersemangat waja dia explain kat aku*

me who acah-acah so expert tahu about penang : !@#$%^&*() . tu nama tempat la *sambil buat muka mintak penampar *


nama tempat ni kadang-kadang boleh buat topik gaduh. Kalau kat melaka, ada nama tempat ni, kandang. aku dah nyaris bertekak dengan member aku pasal kandang ni.

aku : kita nak pergi mana dulu ni?

member melaka : kita pergi kandang dulu. Ambik tempat pembakar ayam.

aku : apehal nak pergi kandang ? sejak bila pulak pembakar ayam tu duk kat kandang? * i thought dia bergurau at first, sebab nak menganjing aku tanya soalan tu*

member melaka : tu nama tempat la bongok. Kandang tu tempat abang aku tinggal. kita nak gi ambik pembakar ayam tu kat umah dia.. ngek!

me : !@#$%^&*() *mohon menteri melaka tukar nama tempat kandang tu sekarang jugak*

Hacked. Hacker.

people said 'hacking is a crime, yet it is an art' . I don't care. Hacking is still a crime for me. Lain lah kalau nak hacking tu boleh bagi benefits pada human lives. Ok that's fine .


bikin aku pelik lagi musykil bila password gmail aku kena tukar camtu je. I only realised when I wanted to log in my blog. Bagus jugak ada feeling nak update blog ni,, baru tahu password dah berubah..

Patut lah kat tab aku tak naik notification emails, instead naik request untuk log in gmail account.. This is the second time it happened to me. Urghhhh,, sapa pulak yang pandai-pandai gatal tangan nak ubah password aku ni? Kalau dapat lah orang tu memang aku penyet dia macam ayam penyet tu..

Ni namanya menyusahkan orang bila nak kena retrieve balik email using alternate email. Aigoo.
Is my password too easy to be broken? nak buat password pelik-pelik nanti makan diri sebab aku ni pelupa orangnya..

ok la, aku pakai nama sumber inspirasi aku lah untuk password tu. dua huruf je, senang nak ingat. haaa cuba la break into my account and tukar password tu..


to whoever did this, I thanked you as I have to change all my password starting for twitter, fb, instagram, 2 gmails account, 1 yahoo account. wiuuuuuuuu.. If you do this for fun, you better pergi terjun lombong timah. kan bagus kau pergi hack akaun bank ke, akaun private government ke. If you really wanted to test yourself.. ni pergi bergurau dengan aku yg buta IT cenggini.. Hurmm.

'your password has been changed 5 days ago' hopefully I am not going to see this anymore. Not for the third time. Karang aku pergi report skmm baru taw.

..................

I can't feel anything. I can only feel pain.
trying my best to make myself busy, if I fail to distract myself, I will just sleep.
even when you read a novel, your mind wonders to someone who kicked you out from his life.
so I better sleep.


at least for now, I have to struggle to finish some work. sleep at 4am almost eveyday.
I am very tired. physically exhausted. emotionally I cannot feel anything except pain.


lagi pedih bila mama asyik cakap 'kalau mama dah tak de please protect this house .....;( ;(
Mama perlu kuat, mama perlu sembuh, because I am not ready to lose you. never.
why everyone has/wants to leave me?
I love being lonely but I don't fancy being lonely and being left alone.

I wish I am very close with my mum, I wish I can tell her everything but I can't coz I don't want to make her get worried. I want to look strong and happy go luck in front of her eyes.

mum, why it is so painful to love?
you said love is everything we need in our life but why it turned out to be this way for me?

I am sorry if I am going to disappoint you but I tried my very best to survive. I lost my dreams, my ambitions and my love. I am sorry if one day I decided to go somewhere very far, but I shall come back once I found back the old me.. I am saving Turkey and Istanbul to lose myself and to find back the pieces of me.. Hopefully I will come back with love.

the cure for love is love ( Terry, 2014). He said this to me, he called bcoz he loves me as a friend. It is not easy terry, but still.... I have other loves to love and to cure myself kan terry kan..

semoga Allah permudahkan pembedahan mama terry, because he is a kind person.. His mother is also a wonderful person. May Allah eases everything during the surgery day ;)

currently listening to Hanya Isyarat . It is a wonderful story to watch. Sometimes, we are not loved in returned, but loving someone is more than enough. I am ok now. I love him and it is the most wonderful thing ever happened in my life.

hate being an adult. too much emotions. too many things to think.

the heart wants what the heart wants

the heart wants what the heart wants.

deep quotation ni. No matter how hard we try to diverge, to distract our heart towards something else from what it wants, still you fail .

dear heart, why you so stubborn? Why you still love, you still choose a bad person to love? Why do you choose  a bad person who will just toy with your love, play with it and when he satisfied, enough with the game, he crashed you down into pieces. You were left broken into pieces.

Dear heart, it is not only you have to feel the pain, it is me. It is me who has been crying over my stupidity ... no, your stupidity dear heart for still loving him. No matter how bad, how evil, how cruel he has treated you still, you still want him.


why? I swear, if I can control you dear heart, if I am the one who is given chance to choose who to love, I will definitely are not going to choose him because I know my life will be happier.


dear heart, did you know the bad consequences that you have caused to me?? you have to know, no matter how hard you try, he will never appreciate it. He will just treat it like trash. Even me, he treated me like trash.

and I know I've lost him, coz I can never win over his heart. If you believe that quotation once said ' sincerity and kindness and love will win the fight' . No you are wrong. As much as I cannot control you, dear heart,, other cannot have total control over their heart . Some just are cold hearted.

please, am I tired already. I am broken into pieces already.

dear heart, you belong to me. you are my heart, which once ago being so naive and little, who always happy and wants others to be happy too now you are broken, you are hurt so badly.

tak penat ke untuk terus sakit? and no one can really understand you except your tears. Even I cry in my sleep, I woke up in the morning with teary eyes,, and you are beating painfully when I recalled my last night dream.

let go dear heart. cukup cukup la jadikan aku manusia paling bodoh dalam muka bumi ni.. I made myself as a strong and independent person yet you've changed me into a weak person because of love. Hey, love story dan cerita khayalan yang ada happy ending bukan untuk manusia seperti aku tahu..

dan ini bukan lagi cinta yang perlu diagungkan bila kau buat benda bodoh,, you are sinful. This is not love anymore. Yeah, doing everything because of love, at the end,, you were dumped, ignored, blocked through wassap and twitter. This love have been violated. salah sendiri sebab bodoh.

It is painful. too painful. I don't know how did I manage to survive, how did I manage to still breathing, but painfully breathing each day.

dear heart, you belong to me. I am begging you please stop loving someone who only treated like sampah sarap dalam tong sampah tahu? aku penat, rasa macam nak lari jauh jauh tapi tak tahu mana nak lari. and I ended up crying at the corner of my room,behind the door. Sometimes, I cried until I fell asleep..

is this what you want,dear heart? constantly being hurted and being used? at the end, he still leaves you. you are the broken one here. you are torn. I am silly thing. I am too naive.
I hate you kiroro. I hope someday you are no longer the reason for me to smile. I need to accept the fact that, he wants us to be strangers..

don't know why I am writing this but it seems that my heart cannot take it anymore besides crying. ok tarik nafas,, jom kita fokus pada kerja kita yang deadline dia esok ..

the heart wants what the heart wants, ...
you want the wrong person, dear silly thing!
don't believe in fairy tales that kindness and sincere love can make the impossible become possible, because reality prepares you with cruel real story.