Saturday, November 29, 2014

..................

I can't feel anything. I can only feel pain.
trying my best to make myself busy, if I fail to distract myself, I will just sleep.
even when you read a novel, your mind wonders to someone who kicked you out from his life.
so I better sleep.


at least for now, I have to struggle to finish some work. sleep at 4am almost eveyday.
I am very tired. physically exhausted. emotionally I cannot feel anything except pain.


lagi pedih bila mama asyik cakap 'kalau mama dah tak de please protect this house .....;( ;(
Mama perlu kuat, mama perlu sembuh, because I am not ready to lose you. never.
why everyone has/wants to leave me?
I love being lonely but I don't fancy being lonely and being left alone.

I wish I am very close with my mum, I wish I can tell her everything but I can't coz I don't want to make her get worried. I want to look strong and happy go luck in front of her eyes.

mum, why it is so painful to love?
you said love is everything we need in our life but why it turned out to be this way for me?

I am sorry if I am going to disappoint you but I tried my very best to survive. I lost my dreams, my ambitions and my love. I am sorry if one day I decided to go somewhere very far, but I shall come back once I found back the old me.. I am saving Turkey and Istanbul to lose myself and to find back the pieces of me.. Hopefully I will come back with love.

the cure for love is love ( Terry, 2014). He said this to me, he called bcoz he loves me as a friend. It is not easy terry, but still.... I have other loves to love and to cure myself kan terry kan..

semoga Allah permudahkan pembedahan mama terry, because he is a kind person.. His mother is also a wonderful person. May Allah eases everything during the surgery day ;)

currently listening to Hanya Isyarat . It is a wonderful story to watch. Sometimes, we are not loved in returned, but loving someone is more than enough. I am ok now. I love him and it is the most wonderful thing ever happened in my life.

hate being an adult. too much emotions. too many things to think.

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