Monday, April 6, 2015

my world turn upside down.

currently my life has been so busy. It was very hectic, I sleep less and I have been tested not only in the term of physical aspect but most importantly through my emotional aspect. However, I am grateful for the years that I lived, I turned into 24 years old by 5 April 2015. Yeah baru lepas dua hari birthday aku. I am grateful for everything I have, for everything I have learnt and for every breath that I take. Hopefully, I will become a better person.

Today, my second draft for my research proposal has been rejected again. This is what happened when you read less and you gain very less inputs regarding this subject. *sigh again and again*. If I were to explain about what is going on about my course, I have to write a special entry about it so I think, nahh just ignore. I know I learnt a lot from my supervisory lecturer, Mr. Thillai eventhough my draft has been rejected again and again. It is apart of learning but it was damn hectic to finish up with a research proposal.

Today, I was terribly hurt by this one librarian teacher at the school that I am currently doing my practicum. How could she just simply switched off the light and fans when I was still there, typing my proposal. Gosh, so damn rude this fella. She don't even say 'maaf ye, akak nak tutup library dah ni." . She just remained silent and switched off the fan and lights. Where's your manner sister? Where is your manner as a teacher, and as a human? Then I asked myself, I realised about this kind of 'cold' treatment that she and her friend gave to us ( me and my partner ) everytime we entered the library. First it started with the photocopy thingy. A few weeks ago I have to print and photostat my work and I asked their permission to use. Then the next day, I saw the notice on the printer that require us to pay where before this I haven't seen it. Wow! That kind of cold and harsh treatment was terribly hurt but I took it lightly. I tried to smile and talk to them as well, but you can see how unfriendly there are with you. So I started to wonder, do they hate us? If yes, for what reason? So far, I never been rude to anybody, I respect each and everyone of the staff including the cleaners. These two teachers really pissed me off especially when one of them did that kind of harsh and rude action on me today. I lost my respect towards her, by today from that incident I instantly lose my respect. She treated me like I am invisible girl. "hello, can you see me?"

Apa salah kami? Sebab kami guna library? habis cikgu lain tu tak boleh guna ke? Kami duduk library sebab dekat dengan kelas berbanding nak duduk kat bilik gerakan. Sedih kan bila kau datang tempat orang untuk gain knowledge and experiences tapi kena treat macam tahi macam ni. Seriously I was hurt. Tapi, orang kata adab belajar erti hidup. Kita akan jumpa species yang entah pape macam ni, yang tetibe boleh tak suka kita padahal kita tak pernah pedajal kan hidup mereka pun. Jadi, sabar je la.

This is the second incidents that happened to me in this school and I started to dislike this school. I just can't wait to end my practicum, which I have about one more month to go. Urghh lambat gila lagi nak habis praktikal ni. Aku dah cukup emotionally stress dah ni duduk sekolah ni. Bila kena treat macam orang tak suka kita, kita rasa dah tak seronok duduk kat sekolah tu. Sabar, la tahzan. Sabar. Berkali aku pesan pada hati. Keep on smiling. Habis je praktikum, cabut. End of story.

The first incident happened last week between me, my partner and the administration. Mungkin atas sebab stress tu jugak, I went to Singapore alone just to get a short gateaway. Kaki melecet berjalan di sana sambil sesat sana sini cukup untuk buat aku tenang bila tengok panorama malam di Singapore. I met my schoolmate there, we have sesi luahan perasaan di hadapan merlion. wow, jauh betul aku dan Ilia pergi. I went there alone, meet her for a moment then we separated. I went back to Melaka by Saturday and I dosed off early that night, unable to reply any birthday wish from anyone. Sorry, penat sangat.

I was mad and sad for what happened during the first incident. Pagi tu kantoi nak punch in kan kehadiran untuk partner, dah kena bebel depan-depan dengan admin tersebut. I think she shouldn't do that, humiliating someone in front of everyone is never a professional act. Then I apologize and cabut since I got class to catch. Lepas tu, dapat pulak relief class satu jam. Niat di hati nak mintak relief tu dipendekkan jadi 30 minit je, tapi entah ape jadik, terus jadi isu besar. The best part, we have been called into the head mistress room. Hahahaha maka bermulalah sesi nasihat + brainwash la kot. Lembut tapi pedih ulu hati. *reason to hate women's leaders, they rule with emotion* darn! and that is the part where I made such a stupid mistake. Terlepas cakap pulak ' tak kan saya nak datang pukul 6.30 pg puan" . hambek kau. terus kena cop kurang ajar, dan sesi brainwash berlarutan until 30 minutes. Padan muka!

I talked like that because I was mad. Terribly mad, because that admin shouldn't straight away send us to the head mistress. Bukan tak boleh cakap elok-elok. Bukan tak boleh nasihat elok-elok. Ni terus report masuk bilik guru besar tu agak melampau. Siapa tak marah bhai. Habaq mai kat aku, kalau kau duk kat tempat aku, rasa nak marah tak? First time buat silap terus kena camtu. First time mintak jasa baik budi pekerti untuk reduce relief class sebab kami ada kelas lain berderet terus kena cop macam kami ni malas masuk relief class. habis selama 2 bulan sebelum ni yang kami masuk without complaint tu apadia? Hari tu, aku tak sempat makan pun, for the whole day aku tak makan. Balik sekolah tu terus tido. Malam pun tak makan. Sampai lah hari sabtu actually aku tak makan sejak kejadian ni. Busy dia sampai aku sanggup tido lagi dari makan sebab penat sangat.

But seriously, aku marah and sedih dengan treatment yang aku dapat. Bukan tak boleh terima teguran, tapi tengok la dulu situasi. Dengar dulu kenapa kami punch in kehadiran untuk orang lain, dengar dulu nape kami nak mintak relief tu reduce jadi 30 minit. Ni terus report kt GB ni macam tak professional. Rindu pulak kak hazra yang dah pindah tu. Dia cukup baik, cakap pun lemah lembut. I believe, kalau kau cakap elok-elok, orang pasti jawab elok-elok. Lepas tu, bila kau dah emo, orang lain pun mesti la emo jugak, pastu kau cakap kami kurang ajar, kurang adab. what the heck! I hate this attitude.

Sabar je lah. Tak lama pun lagi sebulan tu. habis je, terus cabut. Datang nanti semester depan. Haihhh, malas dah nak masuk sekolah ni bila jadi macam ni, rasa macam insecure. rasa macam anytime je orang boleh report akan kelakuan kau. Padahal kau tak de pun buat salah dan kalau betul buat salah pun, I am a human, I am not GOD. I am here to learn. Kalau dah tahu semua benda, tak de nya aku ni digelar guru pelatih dan dihantar ke sekolah untuk training.

Never mind, selagi kita tak buat kat orang, why worry. Focus on other important things to do. Berlambak lagi kerja nak kena siapkan.

till then, x0x0.

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